Thoughts from March 8^th 2004

                                   © Justin Charles Moyer

Does it swallow us whole, the pain we feel when those we love suffer?
Blindly we walk to the alter searching for truth, steadfastly believing its lies.
We hold tight to the majestic ambers of fire, regardless our fingers blister 
from the smoldering ash. It's beautiful we think, grasping those dancing lights
a flicker in the night, never questioning its origin or its reality. As 
long as the moment seizes our hearts desire, we think only of their 
translucent faces, smiling, at what we perceive to be the nod of encouragement.

The journey continues across hot coals, to the altar of stone and fire, calling our spirits bluff when we face its most critical judge. We walk in separate 
gardens, trees dripping with blood of other's sacrifices...... Wait, we hear a 
baby's cry. Innocence eaten by the beast of fate, knowing what's best, but 
personifies hate.

What appears to be a butterfly floating across the way, is an illusion 
perceived, but a dragon indeed. His eyes flare with those amber flames, 
nostrils defecating toxic scents, hypnotizing our soul to its wicked intents. 
Our ears are deceived by the melodic passion of harmony. We embrace his neck, failing  to recognize he clutches a beating heart, recently pulled from another victim's soul, devoured for lunch, at high noon. He whispers in our ear, Wait here my trusted friend'. We smile at this scaly creature, hidden 
from our yes, not realizing that our chest by him has just been slashed. 
We  smile thinking, Oh what a beautiful, beautiful spirit. 

Perplexed and frustrated as to why we must wait for those delights witnessed  that others possess, our attention focuses only forward to greed. The garden is  layered with flowers in majestic colors illconcieveable that such beauty could come from this world.  Careful though where we step, for the venom seeps into our skin, curdling our blood from the depths within.

Yet onward to the slaughter we go, for in the name of love we will save our 
own souls. We turn from this alter of stone as another alter falls into sight, an alter overflowing with blood, the carcass of a sheep lie at its base

As we walk closer we marvel at its height, thinking if we were
that tall and sturdy; we would never fall from grace. The alter shines casting beams of radiance down onto the darkened path at our feet… chaseing the shadows into the cracks and crevasses embedded within the alter of  stone and fire. We focus once more on the glimmer of hope and light given by the graces that is God. We stand in front of the smooth marble, The blood of the sheep flowing like a river covering over our feet and the obscurity of our sins. All is forgiven. Not all is lost. We have returned to our father. We step into the light, and fall to our knees, bowing our heads for worship.

Crimson Rose

                                        ©Justin Charles Moyer

Crimson rose, symbol of eternal love.

thou art more beautiful upon thine eye

On wing's like eagles you come from above

You petals give light to thy darkest of skies.

As I’m caught drowning in a sea of blue

the soft beating of your heart soothes my soul.

A sparrow song profess thy love for you

a memory for whom the bell doth toll.

Crimson rose, thou beauty forever lorn.

no weed nor marigold dare to surpass

for none such beauty lies in face to scorn

for decades countless for the future, from the past.

A crimson rose eternal thought is due

crimson rose, symbol of my love for you.

All I Am

                             © Justin Charles Moyer

All I know is nothing really, nor can I ever hope to know even half...... of what there is to know. I've gathered all I know from books, people, and practice.........mainly from practice, from experiencing something intense enough to form an impression. I know the things I repeat; I know the things that are repeated to me, and I know the things that are learned slowly, as well as the things learned all at once, suddenly, and in childish realization.

I know that I have many important papers crumpled in the bottom of my desk drawer, I know the Curad Band-Aid wrappers glow in the dark, and I know that you can eat the Starburst ones. I know that I can always feel better after talking to Jen, Chelsey, Lee, or any one of the few friends that I do have.  I know that hurtful words truly hurt. I know what it's like to be left out. I know what it is like to be alone. I know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a boiled egg, toast , Mac&Cheese,

Jell-O, and little else. I know how to write an email and surf the web. I know that college students never seem to get enough sleep and that a nice cool sheet on a hot summer night is a wonderful thing. I know at least 20 different names for a cup of coffee, as well as 30 names for the color green.

I know the sounds of words and names, as well as their meanings, both kind and cruel. I know German. Or at least I thought I did.  I know how to draw or paint an object, in words, in ink, in crayon, in pastel, in oil, or in anything... though it might not be any good. I know how to unlock the door to a cabin, how to pitch a tent and how to start a fire. I know that sometimes in life you just have to do something "Craaaaaazy" like throwing a discarded lollipop wrapper on the floor of a moving automatic bus. I know they make such a thing.  I can write a sonnet or change a tire. I know I like the taste of thanksgiving and the smell of Christmas morning.

I know that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I can recite the 50 states in under 5 hours. I know the symbols for 3 elements after years of repetition. I know that Paul Revere was not the first person to say that the British were coming. I know enough about problems to help by just listing to someone repeat them till 3 am in a Carlisle Diner. I know how goofy people can get from lack of sleep on New years eve as well as how grouchy. I know of many crushes on other people. I know some already know about some of them but others still have yet to discover these possibly budding romances. I know I have fallen victim to such things myself. I can board an airplane, tie my shoe, wrap a present, write a paper, feed a dog, row a boat, and sing as poorly or as well as I feel inclined to. I know how to turn on a faucet and I know that goldfish are often hermaphrodites.

I know that the world is 3.5 billion years old. I know that saving a can of grape soda from impending doom is much more important than having a broken rib or two. I know about the problems of the world. I know that, if Barbie were a real woman, she would have to walk on her arms and legs due to her proportions. I know that AIDS is more likely to be transmitted to heterosexual women than to anyone else; that the rainforest is disappearing because of hairspray, Styrofoam, and McDonalds; and that smoking can kill me.  I know that sometimes in the game of life we need to "Buzz" ourselves when we do the wrong thing. I also know how many "cool points" are lost by falling over your own two feet.  I also know that people in the world are hungry and that they suffer. I know that though I have the ability to heal minor wounds with a band-aid  or kind word I can never help as many people as I would like. I can save a drowning victim, perform CPR, the Heimlich Maneuver, or perform rescue breathing. I know it doesn't take much to help others... just a willingness.

I know that grandmothers and grandfathers are soothing...... even the memory of one. I know heroin addicts; I know 14-year-old parents. I know people do things that they cannot change. I know musicians and the intensity they put into a song. I know the "Rolling Stones"... I know the "Living Stones".  I know vanity, and I know when not to trust a person. I know I am never good enough. I know I place too high of expectations on myself. I know that all of the people I grew up with in the church mean so much more to me then they will ever know.   

I know being a person is difficult, but it is also rewarding. I know that I want to do everything. I now know that friendship is nothing more than acceptance and comfort even in silence. I know love is the best thing that can happen to a person and that it should be treated as such. I hope someday, sometime I will come across such an amazing feeling.  I know Einstein.... and that time moves in circles and nothing is reality. Einstein says, "Love is space; space is time; God is love.” I know the earth is a gift from God and everything is how it is and where it is for a reason. I know I’ll never know enough........ but no matter how hard it is I hope to learn as much as I can while I visit this world.

Overall, I know that I can never tell anyone even half of all I know, and that the things we know and learn define us.  Everyone is his or her own universe. What do I know??

All I know ................ is nothing really when it comes down to it.

This in itself.........is all I know.

Broken Pieces 

                           © Justin Charles Moyer

I'm trying to put myself together again,

this time I'm not going to fall apart.

Going to carry on and be strong.

I'm going to be at the top of my game.

Though, Somehow part of me isn't believing it.

It knows that at some point the walls will fall.

Something has to give.

Something is going to give.

Too many things to think about...... Too many things I've tried to push down.

It's not all in... It's not all out...

want to let it go but I can't.....

It's like a giant spider web I can't fight my way out......

I never did get out.....

although I thought I did..............